Peace Under the Stars
by theladynimue
Summary: When Lily Evans learns of her parents' deaths, she flees to the Astronomy Tower, only to be found by James Potter! The last person she wants to see will become the only one she wants around. Rated T for some mild sexual content. One-Shot


_Author's Note: This may be another run-of-the-mill Jily fic, however it is **not** in the same canon as "A Magical Garden." This is a stand-alone one-shot, the concept to which has been on my mind for some time that I have been mentally tweaking. I wasn't intending to make it a Jily fic, but once they came to mind, I couldn't resist. The boy _every_ girl desired and the smart girl who preferred to keep to herself? It fit to perfection._

_Lily, James, and the world surrounding Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry belong to J.K. Rowling. The story came from me._

_EDIT:: Did a few quick edits that were nagging me._

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**Peace Under the Stars**

Lily Evans sat alone at the top of the (blessedly vacant) Astronomy Tower on a clear January night, practically oblivious to the biting chill in the air. Her cheeks were streaked with tears long fallen, and a crumpled piece of floral stationary lay crumpled, forgotten, at her feet. Lily rested her face on her knees and wrapped her arms around her legs, as though to get as small as possible, her fiery mass of red hair flowing about her in reckless abandon.

She did not know for how long she cried that night after reading Petunia's letter. She cried about the cold, professional way her sister informed her of their parents' sudden death in a head-on collision the week prior. She cried about their death, about how it took a _week_ for Petunia's letter to arrive in Scotland using Muggle Post. She cried about Petunia's loathing for all things magical. She cried about everything that caused her any sort of pain for the past seventeen years of her life.

Seventeen, and orphaned, with a sister who hated her. Lily wished that she had more tears to shed, but she felt dehydrated and worn out. There was nothing left in her, not even the desire to rejoin her friends in the Gryffindor Common Room. They knew something was wrong when Lily was handed a letter by Professor Dumbledore during dinner, as they all knew that Petunia could only be the sender if it came by way of the Muggle Post, and Petunia could only be contacting Lily about something negative...and Lily all but confirmed their suspicions by skimming the letter and promptly fleeing the room, her hand pressed against her mouth to stifle her sobs.

Lily screamed into her legs, not caring if she was overheard or caught out after curfew. She would curse anyone who tried to get her in trouble this night, may they be a prefect or not. In fact, she was surprised that no one had thought to look for her in the Astronomy Tower. She loved to look at the night sky. It brought her a sort of peace unattainable by any other means.

Except for tonight. Lily feared she would never find peace again. She felt more alone than ever. Sure, Lily was popular, in the sense that everyone knew her, but she never did see herself as the social butterfly. In her six years at Hogwarts, she only got close to a small handful of people. There was gentle, but tough Emmeline, high-spirited Alice, the mischief-prone Remus (prone to trouble only because of his own circle of friends), and her oldest friend, Severus.

Severus. She had shed tears for him, as well. The year prior, after being tormented and pranked by that arrogant prat, James Potter, and his partner-in-crime Sirius Black, Sev called her a "mudblood" in front of everyone. After she tried to _defend_ him! They hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to each other sense.

She lost her dearest friend that day by the lake. A loss that still tore at her heart, and her conscience. She should have tried to stop Potter and Black before they had taken it so far! But that was in the past, now, and she couldn't change the past.

Besides, if she _could_ change the past, she would start with stopping her parents from that fatal trip…

Lily let out a dry sob, still no tears fell. Her cheeks felt tight and cold from old tears, and her chest felt so tight, as though she was bound in invisible ropes.

More time passed. It could have been a minute, a hour, or several, Lily didn't know or care. She just wished she would just disappear.

Lily was vaguely aware of hearing some sounds beside her, but didn't care to acknowledge it. It was only when she heard _his_ voice that she tilted her head to look at him. "Lily?"

James Potter. The bane of her very existence, there. Sitting beside her. All six feet of him, hazel eyes and untidy black hair. If she did not feel so empty, so numb, she would have been annoyed that he was the one to find her. He said her name again, his voice full of concern. "Lily…" It was not a question that time.

"What do you want, Potter?" Lily couldn't summon up the energy to put any of her usual venom (reserved only for James Potter) into the question. Her voice was devoid of any emotion. It was hollow, empty, and she didn't care.

"I wanted what everyone else wanted. To find you." He shifted so that he was kneeling in front of her, his knees spread just enough so he could sit agonizingly close. Lily could smell his masculine cologne. He pried her arms off her legs, holding her hands in his. Lily was aware of the feel of years of callouses from playing Quidditch against her smooth skin. A voice in the back of her mind told her to push him away, that she was only encouraging him to use this against her later, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Something felt right about the way he just held her hands, about how he gently caressed the backs of them with his thumbs.

She liked not feeling so alone.

Lily lifted her head a fraction, her hair shielding her tear-streaked face from view. "My parents are dead."

It all happened so quickly. One moment, he was seated in front of her, holding her hands, and the next she was gathered in his arms. He gently pulled her head down to rest on his muscled shoulder as he cradled her. Lily felt fresh tears comes to her eyes, and she let them fall.

They sat thus for several minutes in companionable silence as she cried. Lily focused on the steady beating of his heart beneath her head, and allowed the sound to calm her. It relaxed her in a way. The pain was still there, but it because easier to breathe, as though the ropes that bound her were loosened.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

"I don't need your sympathy, Potter."

He didn't sound angry when he replied, "I know. But, I still think it sucks. No one should lose a parent."

"I just…I just want to escape it all. I have nothing, now. My sister hates me, my best friend won't talk to me because of my blood status, and now my parents are gone. Everything I had from before I came to Hogwarts is lost."

They were silent for a moment. James put his finger beneath her chin and she lifted her head, surprised to find his face so close, his mouth an inch from hers. For a moment, she swore he was going to kiss her, she found herself hoping he would.

"Are you expecting something?" he asked, a trace of laughter in his voice. She could feel his breath on her lips, and she felt her heart quicken. Was she barking? This was James Potter!

"No," she replied. _Just hoping_, she thought. _Where did _that_ come from?_

Lily looked away, thankful for the darkness and the cold night air that hid her blushing cheeks from his eye. She wondered if he could feel the rising tension between them. To her, it was almost tangible. _What was going on?_

"My parents are old." James's voice broke through her confused thoughts. "They had me late in their lives. I often think about how much longer I will have them. If they will ever see me get married or have children. Or even graduate. They are Aurors, too. Dangerous work. I could lose them at any time."

Lily was not entirely sure why he was being so candid with her. They had never been anything even resembling friends since their first meeting on the Hogwarts Express. Ever since, he leaped at the chance to humiliate her by pretending to ask her out or to play some prank on her or Severus to rile her up. They were nearly constantly at each others' throats for one reason or another.

Yes, never friends.

There was comfortable silence again, despite the lingering tension. After a few moments (minutes?), James shifted again to his original position in front of her, except his hands grasped her upper arms in a firm, yet still gentle, grip. She flipped her head to clear her hair from her vision and met his gaze.

Hazel eyes captured green, and she feared she would never be able to look away. There was a fire there, emotions she was unaccustomed to seeing in James. His eyes usually held mischief, secrets, laughter. He was oddly serious as he looked into her eyes, and she felt as though he could see all the way to her heart. She found herself afraid of what he would find if he _could_ see it. Were her eyes clouded with pain and confusion?

"I know what it is like to wish for an escape from reality. When my father doesn't come home right away after a raid, or when my mother is ill again, I wish I could just leave it all. Have a normal life with the usual parents. A life where my best friend isn't also my roommate while not at school."

Lily just blinked at him. What was he talking about?

"Lily, I am about to do something that I am not sure I should do."

The corner of her mouth turned up in a rare show of humor in her current situation. "I am not going to have to hex you, am I?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know…," she whispered.

Without another word, or warning, he cradled her face in his hands and brought his lips to hers. Lily gasped against his lips and brought her hands to his shoulders, clinging to him. His hair was so soft, but his kiss was softer. There was a hidden passion there, as though he was holding back. As soon as she started to respond, he pulled away. Lily clung to his shoulders and they stared at each other for several seconds.

Before she was even aware as to what she was doing, she snaked her hand behind his head and pulled his lips to hers once more. Lily knew that he had more experience in kissing than she, but she acted on instinct, lightly brushing his lips with her own before adding more. He reacted instantly, kissing her back. Everything was forgotten, her pain pushed to the back of her mind. A part of her mind tried to scold her for using James to escape, but in her heart, she knew she wanted this. Wanted _James_, as crazy as that seemed.

She pulled away and rested her head against his chest, where she could hear that his heartbeat was accelerated like hers. She could feel how he was attempting to control his breathing, to keep it as steady as possible.

"What is going on?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," James said, looking out at the star-covered sky reflecting into the lake. "I shouldn't have done that."

"I shouldn't have let you. But, I regret nothing."

He chuckled and took her hand in his. "Neither do I."

"Where does this leave us?"

"Well, I can guess we aren't enemies, anymore."

"I really don't think we ever were." Lily was surprised at her revelation. Perhaps they really weren't ever truly enemies.

"I don't think we can count this as being _together_, though."

Lily shook her head. "No."

"Should this be a one-time thing? An escape for one night?"

"Perhaps."

James exhaled an unsteady breath. "I don't think we should tell anyone about this. We can't let it get complicated."

"No," she replied, looking up at him, "They'll think we've gone crazy when we start getting along."

He laughed and met her gaze. "Let's just take everything slow."

"Right." Why did this conversation hurt so much? What was _wrong _with her?

They got to their feet, and James gathered Lily into a tight hug. She felt oddly safe, protected. When James held her like that, the pain of losing her parents could not reach her. Lily looked up, surprised to find that he was looking at her, too. Their eyes locked, and time stood still.

After what seemed like forever, James broke the silence, again. "You're thinking about doing it again, aren't you."

Lily felt a blush rise to her cheeks and couldn't bring herself to say anything.

"There can't be any strings attached," he continued. "I am not ready for more than friends right now. With anyone."

"Of course," Lily replied. "After all of this, I know I would be a lousy girlfriend."

"You would never be a lousy girlfriend, Lily."

"James," Lily liked how his name felt on her tongue, "you know who I have dated since we started here. All three of them. If I recall, two cheated on me, and the third left me for Georgia Davies."

James laughed, "_If you recall_, all three of them ended up in the hospital wing."

Lily decided if she was going to be impetuous, that was the time to do it. "To hell with strings…" Before James had the opportunity to comprehend what she said, she was kissing him again, and he was kissing her back. Their breathing synchronized, as did the beating of their hearts. She felt his hands grasp her backside, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Every square inch of their bodies touched, and Lily became increasingly aware of his growing arousal. What surprised her was that it matched her own. Suddenly wary, she began to pull away, but he leaned forward and caught her lips again. She felt reality slip away again. James caught her lower lip between his teeth, and she gasped into his mouth, but the kiss never grew deeper than that. His hands never left her backside, her hands never left the back of his head or his shoulders.

When they finally broke apart, Lily stepped away, shivering from the sudden awareness of the cold. She crossed her arms, hugging herself, trying to collect her thoughts.

James took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You're really good at that. Kissing. And you have a nice ass, too, by the way."

"Err…" _How do you respond to that?_ "Thank you?"

He laughed. "I'm sorry, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to do that."

"You know what? Me, too." Heat filled her cheeks again. Lily couldn't recall another point in her life that she had blushed so much, let alone in the presence of one James Potter!

"I'm sorry, again, about your parents, Lily."

"I know. So am I." She made a weak attempt at a smile, and found it much easier than she thought it would be. Lily felt as though she may come to regret kissing James on that cold, clear night, but she would take things as they came to her. She closed her eyes and breathed in the cold breeze, as though she was breathing new life and perspective into herself. She found strength in the wind, and in James's presence. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For finding me." And, without another word, she turned and left the tower, smiling. She somehow knew she would manage to find peace under the stars.


End file.
